Since the dawn of time, parents have wanted a better life for their children. Our country has a rich history of people who struggled and sacrificed to create opportunity for themselves and their families. Hard work, belief in just rewards, and sheer determination brought success to many. And always, they dreamed of easier times and a better life for their children.

Certainly, we celebrate progress and the fact that life is far easier today than it was generations ago as hallmarks of success. But the pendulum has swung too far.

We hear too much these days about trophy kids and helicopter parents; kids who have never wanted for anything and the doting parents who make sure they never will. This makes me wonder when the notion of a better life changed from meaning one of more opportunity and hard work to one of no worries, no work, and no disappointments.

There is irony in this progress. In wanting to protect loved ones from all harm and worry, we end up creating deeper vulnerability.

Think about how we learn. To ride a bike, we have to learn not only the concept, but also the feeling of balance. A critical part of this learning is experiencing what unbalance feels like. We have to tip over! In tipping over, we often scrape a knee or an elbow. We experience pain. It is not debilitating!

That is, unless, of course, a parent freaks out and runs to the rescue. Then we learn that maybe we don’t have the right internal calibrator for pain. Maybe it was far worse than we thought. Given Mom or Dad’s response, surely this must be so.

So next time we tip over for whatever reason, we look for a freaked out parent, exaggerate the experience, oversell the pain, and get the attention we expect when something unfortunate happens.

Play this out over tender developmental years and it’s no surprise that coping skills fade. Without coping skills, people don’t know what to do when difficulties arise. Scared people wait, like children, for someone to come to their rescue. The louder they wail, the faster they expect help will arrive.

But that’s not how the world works.

Here’s a sad truth: When we take care of every potential difficulty for a child or subordinate, we teach dependence and, whether we realize it or not, we destroy confidence. Not only that, we wear ourselves out in the process!

Why would anyone choose this behavior? Perhaps we get so caught up in wanting to ‘make life better’ that we cannot see these effects. Perhaps we do not know any alternative. It is time to teach a better way!

Parents, practice letting go in small ways while your children are growing up. Stay close to help heal bruises and discover lessons, but don’t try to prevent all bumps. Bosses, give assignments and let people do them. Do not peer over their shoulders to inspect their every move. Stay accessible to answer questions and provide guidance when it is requested. Recognize progress and celebrate growth. You are instilling strength and confidence, two characteristics that support a better life for all.